Nerves

Dr. Le's surgery scheduler called this morning to let me know that my c-section has been moved to 11am instead of 12:30pm tomorrow. We have to check into L&D by 9am. It's different than having a scheduled induction in that, a. I won't have to mess with all that labor garbage and, b. I know what to expect during surgery. The only part that's throwing me off is that I am well aware of how the post-op will be, the pain I will be in for the next few weeks, how totally useless I will be to everyone...I won't be able to drive or pick up anything heavier than Calum for the next 4-6 weeks and I am NOT looking forward to having to tell Maddie that I just can't pick her up. But I'm trying not to think about it that way.

Also, Maddie and I did not get to go to splash in the water yesterday because she is running a fever. She's actually had a low-grade fever for about two weeks, but no one can find anything wrong. They do think that something is going on, but can't do anything about it until they know what it is. The only symptoms that she has had for the last few days (aside from the temperatures) are runny nose and is extremely irritable. And I DO mean irritable! She refuses to listen, to do what she's asked to do, she cries at the drop of a hat, she is mean...it's like a totally different personality has come over her. It breaks my heart because I know she feels bad, but I can't fix it. And now I'm going to be gone for a few days and won't be able to comfort her. I'm having a tough time being too excited for tomorrow, as my mind and heart are worrying for her. Is there ever a time when being a mommy is easy??? Someone, please give me hope!

Anyway, keep us in your thoughts and prayers ~ that Maddie feels better, that the doctor has done this surgery once or twice before, that Calum is healthy...

The next time I post a blog, it will be to show off our LittleMan. I wish you all lived closer so that you can see him and hold him and love him. Good LORD, I am emotional right now! I love you guys. Wish us lots of luck!