Second Time Around

It's funny to me that I thought, being our second time around with this, that I would be more relaxed. Me, the worry wart, borderline paranoid. Pregnancy brings such worry. Even with all the tests, all the doctor visits, all the ultrasounds, the worry about your precious unborn child is immense. Of course it never goes away; my whole life, I will always worry about my babies. But when you're growing them inside you, you have no control of what happens to them. Like when we found out about Maddie's little kidney, it was such a helpless feeling; here we were, her mommy and daddy, our duty being to protect her ~ and we were completely powerless to make it all better. The whole nine months is just wait...and worry...and wait and worry some more.

In the interim, there are only a handful of things to take your mind off of it all. Hearing that heart beat for the first time. Seeing the rascal on an ultrasound. Feeling them move. Finding out whether your tiny cargo has a hot dog or a hamburger. Picking names. Preparing the nursery. Getting supplies stocked up...six or seven little things to ease your mind in 40 weeks seems like a big, fat gip, but you do your best to make it exciting.

I am almost 17 wks and I have most of these things done, at least partially. Our furniture should be ready for pick up on Friday. John has the next two weeks off, so we'll take advantage of that and get the nursery painted. I've got the last four bundles of clothes coming this week. Target.com has our baby registry completed. Next month I'll be scheduled for a c-section, so I'll know when this little guys birthday will be. By the end of January, I guess I'll have everything finished and then it's just time to wait for him to get here. No Lamaze classes, no infant care classes; nothing to help pass the time. See, only part of getting things ready so early is because of impatience. Mostly it's a way to beat back the worry for at least a moment. It's a way for me to make this pregnancy special ~ the way that Maddie's 9 months was special ~ when everything seems so routine. I know that everyone thinks I'm silly for doing the things I'm doing so soon when we have so much time left to wait. Well, that's my explanation folks. It's not about finding great sales or good deals...it's about making this fun when all I want to do is worry.

xoxo